Dress like a manager.

Take home message for the day:

"When you are an exec (executive), dress like a manager."

In the workplace, you are very gravely thankful that people who know you respect you. However, to the outside world, you are just a lass who knows nothing; it seems to them that you have nothing to impress them about, and nothing you say can make them not brush you away.

Now, the society is forcing you to be mature. Now that you are 30, you are not to talk like you were 20, but talk like you are 40. The thing is, what's naturally and awfully wrong with you is that you felt like you never change since you were 20; you felt like a school girl free of worries and always looking forward to each coming day. Well... I hope this is a good constant.

It's contradicting how people see you; a colleague in her 40s, who said, "You are the 2nd mature 29-year-old I've ever met." while the small doctor who is 35 and acts like 50, said you are so, so immature that he can't stand you sometimes. Eh... What???

What's your definition of maturity? To our managers, you can't just think mature or act mature; you have to dress and speak mature, so that people who don't know you will try not to treat you like a kid. It's the whole package.

I think maturity comes with experience. Some people have been through so much more than the others, whether personally or as an observer of others' lives, and these people mature faster.

Say goodbye to dresses with prints and dresses above knee level! 

Deep conversations aren't coincidences.

"It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to cry... Don't keep running and hide."

It's scary how a person can read you so well, how he/she can enter into your private space of thoughts, and feel how you have been feeling, within months of knowing you. What he/she did was a in-depth conversation that he/she can manipulate you into having with him/her, and in the midst of it, he/she offered you a distinction, which is an option that you have never thought of and is worth pursuing.

"You know, you aren't weak. You kept saying you feel weak, but you aren't, you know. In fact, I see that your lower legs are quite strong and they have been supporting you all these years. It's your mind that is crippling you."

"Go on, walk... Don't be afraid... I'm right behind you. Don't keep looking down. Nobody walks looking down. You should look in front and occasionally look down to observe for any obstruction or danger."

"You see, you walk and walk, and walk without falling. I am just your false sense of security."

Just when you thought the good doctor has the most immense patience and empathy out of all the people you've ever met, his favourite small doctor has the heart to heal people, not just medically, but spiritually - perhaps because he has been talking to patients nearing their end of life. 

The good doctor recently said, "You are the happiest person I've ever met." But the small doctor said, "It's okay to feel sad... Don't keep running from your problems, face them okay?" As he continued "counselling" you, you felt uncontrollable tears. He made you cry 3 times in 3 days. LOL. The protective mechanism in people is to ask others to stop crying - it's human instinct to try to address the problem, and be uncomfortable when confronted with tears. However, his technique was different; he wasn't at all surprised when you cry... He was so calm and collected. He didn't attempt to address your problems, but was just offering you thoughts that haven't crossed your mind before.

Ever wonder why you can explore your fears and concerns with someone, but can't with another? You know, talking in-depth with someone is not a coincidence. The person could connect what you said to something within himself/herself, and feel for you and with you - that's empathy. He/She creates a safe space for you to explore further, a space for you to be vulnerable in. If you wish to change the person's perception towards something, then this will be the time to act. I don't know why... whenever I talk to him, it's like he knows exactly what to say, to make me reflect over and over again...

I am grateful that I went to Hong Kong - because my boss spent more time with me, to help me see what I don't see for the longest time. Since then, I have been reflecting and reflecting... on my life... Reflecting and reflecting... Felt a deeper bond with the small doctor after that - he felt like family, so I don't call him "doctor" anymore. He would depend on you for the most minor things, i.e, reminder for every week's meeting (same time, same venue), reminder for staff's birthdays, buy things, vet his writings, etc. You would roll your eyes but would help him anyway.

I was often told that I was too soft and do not possess the qualities of a manager. Now, I think these people are terribly wrong. You have to be so nice that your staff is willing to help you in whatever ways you want them to. You have to treat your staff LIKE YOUR FAMILY, always caring and always listening to them with your heart. 

#ilovemybosses