A pinhole of my life.

WARNING! This is a sad blog. If u are not feeling happy today, dont read!


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12/12/2007

Wei Der's fish passed away.


A week ago, on its way from wei der's office to my home, it fell sick. One of its eyes popped out. We thought that it will recover fast under more care. Wei Der went to buy some medicine to treat it. It became inactive and sad. It also eats a little or doesnt eat at all.








Then a few days later, its whole body became swollen. Then Wei Der told me that the fish forum said swollen body is like the last stage of cancer. It only has a few days to live.






We only have 2 ways:

1. Place it in the fridge and let it freeze (hibernate) and form into ice. It will suffer a less painful death.
2. Leave it as it is. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.







But i refused to give it up, holding hopes that it will recover.
Maybe it hasn't give up on itself so we must not give it up. Maybe tiny fish has the tiny will to live.








That few days, i watched it swim painfully. Its back tail is twisted and it relied only on its 2 small front fins to swim. It moved a inch or doesnt move at all sometimes. So i guessed maybe every movement it takes needs alot of energy and pain. Somemore it doesnt have much energy left. It doesnt eat anything.








Often i looked at it trying to find an answer. "Poor fishy.. Can u tell me wat to do? Do u need me to 'kill' u?"








Before i went to work, i will have a last look at it. i am afraid that when i came home from work, it is dead. Then when i came home before i went into my room, i will pray that i wont see it die.












That very day, Wei Der decided to come my house to diagnose it. When i reached home, i went washing my hands and feet while he went straight away to see fishy.











i saw wei der shaking the tank and using his thumb and index finger to hit the tank. i had this very bad intuition.


"IS IT DEAD?"
"Yes.. it is.." He said calmly.








i felt a sudden stab into my heart. WEEPS









it sunk and aimlessly floating with the 'tide' wei der brought to the water.
We took some photos of it and then Wei der poured it into the toilet bowl. After he pressed the 'flush' button, i saw wei der close his eyes. Fishy is gone.. Forever.











Wei Der was sitting and staring into blank after that. When i finally talked to him, he went back to his silly jokes. Then he asked me to pray.. Pray for fishy's peace in heaven.








i still cant get over fishy.
maybe i shld let it freeze.. this way it dont have to suffer a few more days before it finally passed away..









Losing someone so close to my heart hurts.. Till now.. the sight of fishy sinking in the tank kept appearing in my mind. If only i could turn back time and make fishy come back to me...