Going out with the other FYP students under my Prof to get a Thank You gift for him. Bi Han initiated it and suggested Ralph Lauren shirt! I'm really glad to know 7 other coursemates better in this FYP. They were really kind and giving people. :) U know i did my IA alone and felt kind of lonely.
I always remembered once Christine saw me at the Shuttle bus stop on a Saturday, on my way to the lab. And she was utterly shocked. She went to tell the other 3 Indonesians and Stephen came and said, "I heard that u came back to the lab during the weekends. I mean, there is no need to come back on the weekends. U stay so far away. If the lab is too crowded on weekdays, u can tell us anytime u need to use it. We have discussed that we don't mind coming back on weekends since we all stay in halls!.. " He went on and on, and tears formed in my eyes. In my head, i was thinking to ask him to stop saying already or i will really cry! Indonesians are nice people, i must say. :)
I guessed people get closer when they went through the "suffering" together. No wonder Simba always goes out with his NS friends. :P
Of late, i have been very "HIGH". I told myself it was totally alright to be angry. When i am angry, i felt totally human and actually felt good. Omg! Cos i thought I'm not God so I'm not perfect. Even God rests on Sundays. So why do i have to press myself everyday? I'm not God. It's alright to feel the rage inside of me. And it's better to let it out right! Rather than holding it back and let it accumulate day after day.
I think people are always scared one day i will just take a knife and stab someone when i explode. Cos they say people who are slow to anger will do something crazy when their limit is reached. Well.. don't worry friends! Definitely not me!
I think I lost my patience due to the lack of sleep. Slept 2 to 3 hours everyday trying to finish my FYP report and poster. Prof made the submission deadline one week earlier than the others so that he could check. And i haven't go for shopping for months. Finally handed in yesterday at 11 23pm. Phew! Bi Han said she wondered how i always can hand it in last minute cos if it was her, she will feel the overwhelm of stress. LOL. I dunno! I always felt my heart pumping alot faster than usual and me sitting upright that very day of the deadline.
2 reasons for being angry:
I eventually got very very upset with my tutee, Joanna as she has pushed me too far. She doesn't listen to me anymore and gets worser lesson by lesson. She kept threatening me. She got pretty out of hand. Wanted to jump out of the window, throw things down and was very very rude. I was pretty upset since she did not want to do anything during tuition and it was plain wasting time. I mean I'm not paid to accompany her and listen to her daily life! Sometimes, I feel like telling her i could have done some report or some experiment if not for her! Or something like that. Of cos, i held it back. Even if i said it, she wouldn't understand.
I tried using the methods that my friends used. Like telling her that her mum paid alot for me to give tuition and she would be upset if my tutee didn't want to listen. Yeah, along that line. However, it only worked for maybe 1 question. And back to square one. She refused to write down anything.
As much as the words "Do not let anger turn u into someone u are not. She is just a kid, forgive her." kept sounding in my head, i was very very irritated that day. She pushed the limits, and said, "U don't want to give me a break NOW, I won't write!" Another threat! Wow, i guess that's it. I mumbled, "Sorry God." And I turned to her and flashed a very killer look. "Sure. We will wait then." We waited and waited. She then wrote everything in a mess and soon after she finished, she shouted, "CAN I HAVE MY BREAK NOW?"
I know it was very unlike me to lose my cool. I guess it's no use trying to be an angel when she doesn't appreciate it at all.
Then when she came back, she refused to do anything again. She said something like, "WHY DON'T U JUST WRITE DOWN FOR ME?" And i said in a stern manner (I didn't shout.), "Why don't u just listen to me?" It was like finally when she got abit scared and did her work. Omg.
I was just thinking if ever i have such a daughter in the future, will i ever be as noble and patient as her mum? I can never imagine this nightmare. Omg.
Even with typing this to u all, I am feeling SO AGITATED!
The next thing is about the students in our neighbouring course.
VERY VERY 烦! Tell u guys tml.
It's better to distribute my anger and leave it to the next day.
Nights guys!
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