... Personal stuff ...
I am looking at flower prints again! Omg. Pls ask me to stop buying flower prints.
Mum started calling Dad 'dear' and my younger bro and i puke. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Going to Fitness First with my colleague tml. Hahas. She said wanna bring me to sauna or steambath after the workout at the gym since i never try before. I even asked her what a steambath is! She paid $125 per mth for it and can go as and when she wants to. She can bring friends for a 3-days trial. Actually not so shou with her but u know i find it hard to reject her. since she is so nice!! Just a bit paiseh dunno what to talk to her on our way there!
And i suddenly got menses yesterday. hahahas. too bad! i told her i can only go gym tml!
Simba cant go gym with me this sun again as he has fallen sick again. Flu and cough!
I gave him my medicine and hope that he get well soon and dont pass it to me!
I was really happy when the tuition agency called me to give Physics tuition to a sec 3 girl. Yeah, i was looking for a sec sch student to teach once per week.
The agent asked me whether it is okay if the tutee's mum call me for a chat. I agreed as my past tutee's parents didnt give me much of a problem.
But regretted once she calls me! :(
She kind of suan me! So angry!
"My daughter very li hai one lehs. She studies in Nan Qiao Sec! (Btw, what school is that? i never heard of it before!) Last time u take pure science or combined science?"
"Erms.. Pure.."
"My daughter take pure science. Her grades are very good!!!!!!! Are u sure u are confident to teach?"
"I should be able to."
"Are u very sure? The O level next year is very difficult u know or not?!!!"
"Oh i know."
"If u are not confident, never mind! U never teach sec 3 before. What if u forget already?"
"I will make some revision before i come every lesson. Dont worry."
"I give u time to think. Since u are not strong in science, then why do u want to teach?"
"I have just taken Physics for my year 1 in university. Should be able to handle and recall i guess."
"What university are u from?!!"
"Nanyang Tech"
"Huhs? What kind of university? What is that? I never heard of it before."
Erms......?!!!!
Then she just kept telling me how good her daughter's grades are and pressurize me into saying i'm not confident to teach. Hahaha.
But i apply to teach A maths and Biology only! The agent gave me a physics tutee! Not i choose one ma.
Decided not to teach her in the end. Think the mum will sack me after my first lesson haha.
i buang my physics in sec sch! hahaha. C6 i think. Got both 'B's for Physics 1 and Physics 2 in Uni. :P
I dont blame her btw. Guess parents are always proud of their children's abilities.
i dont remember my mum being so worried before. hahas.
I told simba i gain and lose a job on the same day. :P
Regretted that i didnt study hard in sec sch. :(
Felt so wei qu for being looked down upon. :(
I remembered having the lowest self esteem then at the age of 13 to 16. Couldnt run and couldnt study. Felt fat and ugly. Felt bad English!
Felt bad skin and big legs. Felt unwanted and stupid. Felt bad hair and moustache (i still have moustache now!) Felt so looked down upon!! Felt so hurt by bad remarks. Felt so much like dying! Totally gave up on myself!
I was so lazy! I remembered feeling so sleepy in class. Any lesson is just too boring and i just cant pay attention. Feel so hot in the thick uniform especially after PE. Remb crying at nights cos dont feel like going to school. I used to hate studying so much! Handed in homeworks weeks after the dateline. Felt like tearing the maths textbook when i dunno how to do many many problems! No one to turn to and my parents didnt have money for a private tutor. Dont even understand a single thing on anything! Felt teary after every o level paper! :(
Poly changes my life. Luck starts to come.. Opportunities start to come.. I get to wear my own clothes so i dont feel so warm. Aircons in classes! :) Get to dye my hair and work alot so tt i can afford to buy things i like. Learn how to understand notes better although i am still a bit lazy.
That's when i decided to let every unhappiness go. Ugly nvm. Bad hair nvm. Fat nvm. Moustache nvm. Bad English. Friends are there to accept who u are, not despise u.
Everything starts to turn out better!
That's when i decided not to take things too hard. More resistant to remarks and critism. Happier and contented with the present. Not to dream big dreams and get disappointed in the end.
I remb Shellen used to draw me and the guy i used to like on the route towards Anderson JC and then NUS many times when she wrote me cards. And it always ends with the words 'Happy ever After'. Sweet of her to always wish me well. Now although i took a different route (Temasek poly and NTU), it's okie.. I feel happy the same way. :)
Now i can pay attention to lectures better and work a little harder. Okie i do get restless and diao the lecturer if he never give breaks in between lectures. Then kept complaining tt i am so tired!!
Oh no feel so bad thinking back.
i may still feel insecure at times now (i know some of u dunno cos i never say out my insecurities now)! Still look into the mirror and frown on the pores and dark spots on my face. Still frown cos the hairdresser says my hair is KNS. Still hope tt one day i wake up with an oval and smaller face. Still hope for a 2nd puberty, to be taller and slimmer. Greedy hor!! Still hope to be smarter hahahahahaha and less blur hahahahaahhahahaha. Still trying to perfect my skills on trimming my eyebrows myself. Still wear make up all the time and pray that no one will comment on the bad skin hahaha. Still finding the correct combination of skincare products. Still ask my mum before i go out, "Mummy, do i look fat today? Do i look fat in this outfit?"
But i know now i only think about all the above once a week! Very good already hor! Not everyday hor!
i printed my logbook entries and pasted them on my logbook. My supervisor said he gave me a GPA 4 (grade B+) for the past 6 weeks' performance. He wrote some comments and i felt quite touched. Tears welled up my eyes some point of time when i was reading them.
It is too late now and i still have some emails, from supervisor Kevin, for tasks to do for tml! Got to think about how to do them before he faints tml.
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