Ratchy and Brownie.

                                

26 Sept 2015

We got married, officially! :D

The SOSD volunteers only became more acquainted with Simba after the B Pups came for stay-cation at our place. Not knowing how he was like before, they didn't know what to expect from him and imagined a day that he might just release the puppies back in the wild in a fit of anger. They were cleaning and tidying up the house daily, buying stuff for him, and apologising all week round, in fear that he might lose his cool one day.

At the end of the stay, Simba did not lose his cool despite the mess and lack of sleep (which is predictable), and the volunteers were very, very grateful and at the same time, surprised.  They said, "Your husband is kind, and he is so accommodating... He is awesome!"

Seeing how Simba treats the dogs is earth-shattering - okay maybe not for you, but definitely for me. Haha! Not disciplining them and always standing on their side, even when they did wrong really makes me wonder what kind of dad he will be, if ever we have kids. I guess I have to slowly get used to the fact that he will spoil them big time, cos like an old man, Simba is resistant to change, whether it is to change in the environment or the change in himself.  Although he is a shrinking violet who appears soft and withdrawn, he has a stubborn streak. Haha! Nevertheless, Simba is still awesome!

Here is one of my favourite photos from the busy but joyous day:

Blogging has always been what I take pleasure in and it was also a platform where I can reflect and spend time with myself, but for the last two years (since I joined the workplace), work had taken over my life, taken over not only blogging, but going out, online shopping and spending time with anyone at all, including Simba. 

Spending a great deal of time at work doing work, and also almost every day after work doing work was draining me out; I knew it but somehow I lived my life in transparency; as though there was nothing so wrong to stay the course in my early career, which cost me almost everything else - time with family and Simba, exercise, time for myself, my weight, my operated knee etc. (Ok, I started binge eating and in doing so, added alot of stress on the knee due to the weight gain.)

I have been oddly basking in happiness and satisfaction at work, I can describe it as almost euphoric! It's odd it's crazy. These two years I learnt and matured, experienced learning in a different (different good), restoring way, much more than what boring didactic lectures in school have taught me. Having been exposed to several opportunities and entrusted with multiple roles, I felt empowered and had this drive which oddly came from somewhere within that seemed beyond my control. If I figure this out correctly, all of these motivation stemmed from the good doctor and the knowledge that he would be there for his staff (including me) whenever support is required.

And I think the word is 'blossom'. I blossomed. My newfound confidence to present work to nursing directors and doctors, and  things for me to accomplish and be better at them each time have made me a person who doesn't mind going to work every day.

However, now is also the time to put things into perspective; to think about whether work is worth this much of a sacrifice, and to strive to achieve a life which I think is appropriate for me, my small family which consists of me and Simba, and my foster dogs.

-----

Ratchy, 11 months old, and adopted on 17 Jul 2015. 

His adopter passed away due to an unanticipated accident, leaving behind her husband and him. Traumatised and overwhelmed by grief, her husband gave up on him eventually. He was back to us a month ago.

Ratchy was one of the cute looking mongrels around, rescued together with his siblings and mum. They were the Transformer pups (don't ask me why) and his siblings are Jazz, Bumble, Primey and Spikey. When Ratchy was younger, he was notorious in destroying everything in sight, and unfriendly towards some dogs, all cats, and humans. By "unfriendly", I don't mean he stray away from strangers when he sees them. In fact, he would bite them, and it is without any warning or trigger. 

My volunteer friend was his foster parent, and having fostered about 15 dogs of various temperaments before, this was the first time her dad said (after Ratchy chewed and shredded their sofa into pieces), "Val, no more fostering dogs after this!"

You know, there's like a hidden curse in our organization. Dogs who appeal more to humans have a higher likelihood of failing homestay. Homestay is a week trial stay at the potential adopter's place before the adopter decides to adopt the dog. Ratchy failed four homestays in total, all for multiple reasons, before he found this kind adopter who was willing to work on his issues. It must have been traumatizing for a dog to move house five times all within a week. He took weeks to adjust to this adopter's place; peeing and pooping on the same spot took him a week He bit her once and our rehab volunteer visited her home four times to teach her how to "communicate" and love him in a way that he doesn't feel threatened.

Ratchy's happiness was short-lived when the adopter died two months later. My friend who used to foster him brought him home, taking the risk of chased out of the house by her parents.

Her own dog, Oreo, who was the friendliest dog around, was the first one who rejected Ratchy, and in response, Ratchy bit him on the second walk my friend took them for.

Oreo is a schnauzer, so from the start he was on the losing end in terms of size. He suffered a few wounds and became so traumatized that he couldn't bring himself to stay in the same room as Ratchy. He would run to another room to hide if Ratchy went into his room.

On the following day, My friend's brother was walking past Ratchy when Ratchy bit him before anyone could react. Just like that! It was two days in her house and her parents wanted him to vanish then and there.

My friend was at a loss. She scampered to find someone who was willing to foster him but always at the back of her mind, she knew I will not reject her request, so there was me as her last resort. As a Rehoming volunteer who is busy enough visiting homes and following up with adoption cases, I didn't sign up for fostering. 

There were three potential fosterers before me. Together with the potential fosterer A that night, they walked him, in the attempt to familiarize him with

 the neighborhood before bringing him back to A's house.

We were not expecting him to draw A's blood even before he entered her place. A's mum was petrified. Although A was still open to the idea of fostering him, her mum said there is no way he could stay in their house as he was deemed in her eyes to "unpredictable and dangerous".

My friend was stuck with Ratchy near A's house at 8 plus at night, not knowing where to head to. She called me a dozen times at night but I was away from the phone. Eventually, she managed to get another newly acquainted fosterer to help. The rehab volunteer then told my friend to go home and he took over, as he sensed that as Ratchy regarded her as a property of his, and anyone who comes near her will be treated as enemy.

It turned out that the rehab volunteer was right. Ratchy didn't feel intimidated in the new fosterer B's place after my friend left and peacefully spent the night in his kitchen. It was when I thought, "hey, maybe I don't have to foster Ratchy afterall."

It was just the next day that the fosterer wants to return him. Sighhh... He said his two boys fell sick overnight, and he couldn't cope. Whatttt... Sometimes some humans imagined themselves being kind by offering to help a street dog, but they were not kind enough when they thought caring for an animal is easy. Once the animal got to their house, they regret spontaneously. This is really not helping; you are just fabricating more problems for the volunteers like us, who work full-time and have family.

Oh well, the next fosterer C who was the backup for Ratchy took in another dog when we told her that night that Ratchy was well settled in the B's place.

And hence, it was how Ratchy came to me the following night. 

Many other volunteers who were closer to me asked me not to risk it. 

"Brownie will live in fear."

"Your husband and Brownie will be traumatised."

"Tell them to find another fosterer after a day at your place. Tell them you can't cope."

"He should go to the shelter; his behaviour is so erratic. I know it's cruel for him to be in the environment but there are volunteers who can train him."

However, you know, I always have this positiveness in me; it's like I was born with it. Deep down, I have certain level of confidence that both Simba and I can help Ratchy and I really feel like helping a mongrel.

Both Brownie and Ratchy are dominant dogs, but what the heck, I will just take things as they go. Maybe it

The rehab volunteer came by and helped "introduce Brownie to Ratchy". This is an important measure when you introduce a new dog into the family, as whether the dog and the house dog get along afterwards depends solely on how good (or bad) the introduction goes. He also shared with us some tips to handle them both and we were gravely thankful for that.

We were terrified, for the history he had with humans were unpleasant. Initially, when I first saw him, fear set in quick. He has that look in his eyes that can make your heart cold literally. He growled at Brownie as soon as they met, so Brownie the Coward's first instinct was the flight (never the fight) - she dashed at the first growl and whined. Lol.

As part of the "introduction", the volunteer asked us, Brownie and I, to walk around, circling Ratchy while he sat on a spot. I wasn't sure what I was thinking, but it is definitely wild thoughts. (Told Jun Wen to run home after work but he was still late; I guess cos subconsciously he was not sure how to face Ratchy. Lol.)

The rehab volunteer, Andrew and both dogs.

The dogs turned so calm and obedient in his hands; Brownie didn't even bark at any passing stranger and she sat down outside home. (She never did that before, and I thought it was because she thinks the floor is dirty. Brownie has always been hygienic. I was so wrong. Andrew said I shouldn't have humanised the dog, as afterall they are never humans and could not rationalize their actions.)

Then I had to walk both of them together. Had to clear my mind after Andrew advised, "Abandon the thought that he will bite you and he won't turn your thought into reality."

It was hard to pretend that Ratchy won't decide to just turn and bite Brownie. Brownie is half his weight and the bite wound is gonna be so serious.

Ratchy likes women more than men, and so it wasn't much of a problem for me to walk him. However, when Simba took over, he was so scared and fidgety. When Andrew told him straight to his face that there is a high possibility of Simba being bitten, I saw fear overcoming him in an instant. Lol.

 After a long walk, another necessary step was to introduce him to the house. Like a tour around the country, we showed him to every part of the house and let him smell everything.

All geared up for Ratchy's stay: 

- I bought Brownie a tee to protect her from Ratchy in case he decides that her flesh is yummy.

The tee which says, "I am not fat, I am just furry." Lol.

It was a size bigger for her, cos the size chart told me to get size L for a west highland terrier and I forgot Brownie is a terrier cross. :D

- Also bought lounge pants and slippers for Simba and I to wear at home. Haha!

His first night. He didn't sleep a wink. 

He was staring at us while we slept. You can't imagine how much fear that he instilled in me, and some volunteer friends of mine said Simba must be trembling in bed, fearing that Ratchy might lunge at him in the middle of the night. Haha!

Plenty of pics I took during his first 2 weeks with us:

Celene and Ashlee visited Ratchy the second night, and to celebrate Ash's birthday. They witnessed the intense and insecure look in Ratchy and was also overwhelmed with fear when they came into the house.
Celene wore jeans LOL. This was the first time I've ever seen her wear jeans!

And when Ash came in, he backed, and growled and growled, like he did to Simba first few days. She didn't dare to move an inch after that, and it was her birthday.

                           

Most of the time, they would copycat each other's action, which, to me, was so adorable! My friend realised that Brownie likes to peep into the kitchen, hoping that there's food. Haa. It almost looked like she didn't want to waste her efforts walking a bit more to get food. So lazyyyy!

                             

                              

     

      

     

     

       

   

Coming home to a mess everyday. Haha. The life of having a puppy at home; be prepared for the pup's separation anxiety if you were to leave him/her alone for 10-12 hours daily.

And my friend add caption to this pic I sent her. 

LOL!
Ratchy feigned ignorance and made Brownie the scapegoat.

    Walking them is a good way to lose weight. You just keep perspiring when they are attracted by different smells and move in different directions.

Regardless, having a dog or two will be the best choice you will ever have made in life. They love you more than anyone else does and most of all, if you love to talk and no one listens, a dog will be your the right companion for you. But don't buy a dog anymore, cos if you do, you are encouraging more puppy mills, a place where dogs are kept in cramped areas for breeding exercises. Also, dogs which aren't sold by a certain time will be put to sleep.

Adopt, don't shop.

SIT

SIT, B Pups and Brownie, SIT!

Left to Right: Brooklyn, Bria, Belle, Benji, Blaine, Baely, and Brownie.

Dear B Pups, how are you all doing?

I'm missing you all so terribly and I'm so worried about you every second, I can't focus at work.

You all have been so whiny and barkish like ah mas and ah gongs after you left my house! Aiyah! Fosterers after me can't stand you... Four of you have to change foster homes.

Poor Baely has to change home again... 

You know, I've always thought that my life has been smooth sailing, and Simba's life too, so I really really hope that our house has brought you some luck... Please, the next home you go to must be a home ok!

And again, the price to pay for going overseas.

It's 6am and I'm still wide awake. Oh god, why why why? I'm so gonna die at work on Tuesday. To make things worse, in the noon I perspire like crazy.. Singapore has become so warm and humid after I've got accustomed to the Portuguese temperature. 

I knew it. Going overseas always torment me, either on the trip itself or after the trip. 

Losing my appetite whenever I go overseas - Bangkok, Vietnam, Taiwan, Malaysia, Japan... is the worst. It's crazy. Singaporean food seems like the only thing I can get used to, and by that I mean, food cooked in Singapore, whether it's Thai, Indian, Japanese cuisine, I love them all.

I get sick easily overseas too - tired, restless and want to die until I see the potential to shop.;)

Korean food suited me most since I went to Korea and didn't hate the food there. 

And now Portuguese food (mainly only Western) didn't spoil my appetite too! 

I'm not sure if it was because I drank the most amount of alcohol in these two countries to accompany all my meals. :D

Now I'm back in Singapore with no appetite for anything. Nothing at all, not even Tom Yam. This was in total contrast with my Portuguese appetite. Just two weeks in Portugal and I've become a Portuguese. Hahaha. 

Now in Singapore, I can't sleep at night, can't eat anything, and have a raised body temperature. My body aches from the long walks to places of interest and my skin still burns and itch from the scorching Portuguese sun. When will this predicament end? Seriously going crazy before it does I think.

Just few days ago in Restauradores, when all was fine, and ignorant that jet lag will haunt me and drives me further from my sound mind. Lol.

I am a true blue Singaporean, as adamantly verified by my immune system and every cell in my body.

My first experience with jet lag

It's 4am, and here i am, struggling to catch a wink. It would be just 9pm at Portugal now.

Power of the irresistible (but unforgivable and annoying) jet lag. 

Yesterday I slept at 10am. It sucks right!

Anyways.. On 29 May every year, both Simba and I turn another year older. Happy 7th Year Anniversary to us!

A nice photo grid Simba made for me:

This year will be the first year that we can't afford any gift for each other anymore, and can't celebrate with good dinner. Life's gonna be very very poor, until we clear our debts and start saving again.

So, since yours truly can't get to sleep and it's just a day passed our 7th year anniversary, and I just went to Portugal, I'm tormenting you with some disgusting/disturbing selfies of us in Portugal. Hahahaha!

Outside Convent of Christ, Tomar

(I look so pro with two cameras, don't I?)

The only hot day of the week. 26 degrees Celsius.

Many said I became fatter this year, but my arrogant self (resulted from egoism) can't seem to reconcile with this idea and throws me into the state of denial. Hahaha. But I guess photos don't lie. My fatty tummy says hello!

Standing tall (not literally) before Christ of Convent

At the park opposite Jeronimos Monastery. 19 Degrees Celsius.

Still opposite Jeronimos Monastery. Brrrr.. We were shivering when the wind blew in our direction and the fountain water came drifting onto us. 

Woke up too late for the last day of conference and missed the keynote speaker's talk in the morning. Hence instead we were at the cafe next to the conference room indulging in a cup of coffee and the breezy wind. -Lisbon Marriott Hotel. 15 Degrees Celsius.

Purple leaves! Just outside station policia (police), a hundred meter from the old town, Alfama, where we lodged at! -14 Degrees Celsius.

I'm seriously considering going back to Portugal again. That's if after I explored other parts of Europe and still ain't bankrupt.;)

More of Portugal

When I'm back to work next week, I've got to come up with something to share with my colleagues. By that, I meant not just food and souvenirs, but something I've learnt from the conference, some insights that the team can gain and improvise on our current practice. Haha! 

And the good doctor asked me to present the work to our nursing homes through our videoconferencing system.

Life's hard :~(.

Thank god I stayed awake throughout the conference. Simba was tormented by it; he was "fishing a big fish" half the time. Next time if you want to torture Mr Tan for some reason, bring him to a conference (which is of no interest to him) or a musical. 

The moment I landed in SG, the first worry was the overwhelming emails. I started clearing (can't use the word 'reply') them, which was a bad idea apparently. Hahahaha! Manager then realized that I am back, and asked about how the trip and conference were, and whether I won the Best Paper Award.

See my reply to her:

"The trip was great! Portugal is a nice place to stay in – nice food, nice people, nice weather, nice scenery. I did a lot of sightseeing! I have attached some photos of the places I went to.

Conference was good. :) I met mainly Portuguese, Germans, Italians, and Koreans.

Hahaha! Didn’t get best paper. The others are just too good!

Best paper was awarded to “Reminiscence Map: Insights to design for people with dementia from a tangible prototype” by Dr. Huldtgren from Germany. Dr Huldtgren presented a map she did for a nursing home resident with mild dementia. The map is interactive; it can record the resident’s life history and show where the resident went to at certain parts of her life.

What made my day was that one of the conference chairs came up to me personally and said he read our work and that it is very interesting!"

And sent her these photos:

 Convent of Christ, Tomar (1)

 Convent of Christ, Tomar (2)

And of course, the Simba would act as if he was Sadako.

  Jeronimos Monastery (1)

Jeronimos Monastery (2)

Then after sending out this email, I realized that I didn't send her any photos of the conference. 

Okay, don't judge me, my dear friends! It's just that intrinsic nature in me that conference is secondary, and sightseeing is primary! :D

Lisbon, Portugal

Lisbon, Portugal, where beers are cheap, people are honest, warm and humble, food is good, land is much less dense than our homeland, life is slow, 4G is damn fast, and where people don't use their cell phones a lot, value time with friends and family, are naturally good-looking, and can bring their dogs everywhere they go.

There's nothing I can find to not like Portugal.;) 

If I were to sum it up: nice people, nice food, nice weather, and nicely conserved heritage sites.

A friend who loves Japan said soon enough I will realize that there's nothing to shop for there and all the architectures look similar and I will get tired of them. These supposedly vintage-looking architectures will soon look like our HDBs. Lol.

Eh... No lah. At least I hope I won't think of it this way over time.

 

Santa Apolonia railway station

   

On way to Sao Jorge Castle.

2015.

As we envision a new phase of life together, there is no denial that sacrifices ought to be made.

2015 comes as a challenging year. Planning the wedding and doing house preparations simultaneously is absolutely a bad, bad idea. They get confusing after sometime, so all the while we feel that we were being led on by our vendors. They walked us through their proposal in lightning speed, and not giving us sufficient time to recollect our thoughts and consider our options... but who is to blame them? Their time is readily money. To be honest, we weren't able to tell whether what we have been spending on is considered a necessity or just sheer lavish. What is the balance here? How can we get everything at a reasonable price and yet at the same time have a "good wedding" and a "good home"? Seems impossible.

We will be in debt. A huge debt on top of our 30 years housing loan. Really, I worry. I worry about our bleak future in this country which has one of the highest standards of living. 

What has already been spent:

- $27K for 5% deposit of our house (paid in cash)

- $20K for renovation and electrical works

- $10K for our solemnization

- $5K for furniture and home appliances

Always thought that I will live out of "poverty" after my student days, but my short-sightedness has failed me and carried me thus far. Haha. Guess I'll still need to eat grass for two more long years before I can start saving again. 

My colleague who now has two kids told me he used to survive on bonuses for his wedding and house. Each payout from the company is used to pay a debt. He even went to ask people to pay back the money he loaned them. So people, if you have borrowed from me or JunWen, please start returning us our hard-earned money!

"Start small. Buy a 3-room HDB, and don't buy a car. That's how I started out." Says the good doctor. Haha.

I started out buying a 4-room flat. Sorry, boss.

Aiming to be debt-free in 3 years!

I guess, that's one of the challenges you face if you decide to get married. More to come!

I must admit that shopping for furniture and electronics are fun, even more fun than online shopping. 

My job entails talking to the nursing home residents about their views of death and the plans that the hospital wishes to help them with.

What left a deep impression was a young man who has multiple comorbidities. He knows his prognosis isn't good; he may pass away in a few years. When asked what makes his life meaningful, he said it is for the nurse to let him do wantever he does. By this, he means it is to not have the curry puff run out, or not to be forced to take a handful of medications every morning. Such simplicity one can ask for his life.

When you have met someone like this, you find that your problems are microscopic; they are what you see when you are up in the sky. Too small to be worth mentioning.

Have you ever wonder why stray dogs in the woods are not starved here? I mean they don't even look malnourished and gaunt from the malnutrition.

Yes, dog lovers. 

They are stray feeders who dedicate their lives to helping homeless dogs; they drive to such places after work to pay those strays a visit and feed them. It's a daily affair, mind you. 

Knowing a number of such people has been nothing but a blessing, as they have been my source of inspiration. 

;)

But these stray feeders usually are individual persons, not from any organization. Hence, on a personal level, other than food to offer, they have no resources to render help to the dogs which are wounded. That's when many came to animal welfare organizations for help. Although the shelter is full and we can't help every dog, injured dogs have been listed as the SOS rescue team's top priority. Hence, as long as the dog is injured, they will help regardless. Regardless of the medical fees and the stress to other dogs in the shelter that came along.

I received requests from animal enthusiasts to help abandoned dogs, but there's really so little that I can do. Shelter is always at its fullest capacity; with its full-time staff overworked, I can't possibly keep every dog in my house. However, when a stray feeder fed me with images of the dog with a big maggot wound on his neck, I know we have to do something, and I know we will. I can't concentrate on anything else except getting help and coordinating with both the requester and the SOS team. It was Good Friday the next day, and Simba and I spent a lazy day at home; mainly cos we need to get firsthand news on the dog and act on it fast. 

It was indeed stressful worrying about whether the dog will run away from the feeder and avoid humans from then now. It will be harder and harder to trap him and he will die from the wound if infected.

However, it turned out that he was lured by the food and trusted the feeder enough to have him leash him.;)

He was weak. Fearful and not knowing what to expect, he was initially reluctant to go out of the transport container into the isolation cage. Of course, after some coaxing, he allowed the feeder to gently pull him out.

I feel bad for asking the shelter manager come back to the shelter on a public holiday. She has been overexerting herself for the dogs. SOSD is already 24/7 for volunteers like me, and for a full time staff like her, there will be like a thousand unread msgs if she were to leave her phone alone for an hour. She took pics of him and examine his maggot wound closely, for the purpose of reporting to the SOS team on severity of his condition.

The cost of a vet visit on a public holiday is rocket high, and undoubtedly unaffordable. Our president is a doctor, who came down soon after to treat the wound and we are deeply appreciative of this fact.

The moment he realized that he is trapped in the cage. He looked so sad I can't help but feel for him. Imagine being a free roaming dog for a few years and you got trapped because you followed the only human you ever trusted your whole life.

You must have felt so betrayed.

He was such a gentle and calm creature, emaciated and dehydrated looking too.

The feeder named him "Ah Chui", Hokkien for water. Maybe he is a fengshui person and thinks good fortune. Haha.

He didn't cringe in pain even when we applied a powder that relieves pain, and when we touched the region surrounding his wound. He must have been too weak and the wound area must have been numb after his mind constantly influenced him to ignore the pain and survive. Mind over body.

While we were all worrying for him, Simba went to other isolation cages to interact with other dogs. Cat sounds from his phone reverberated through the isolation ward, and Simba's motive? Yes, to attempt to make the dogs go crazy... but to his surprise (not mine), they didn't bark or react strongly. Lol. But of course! The dogs at the shelter have been well trained by volunteers; they walk by their side and when these volunteers stop, they stop as well. 

After settling him down, Simba and I were supposed to walk to the nearest bus stop and take a bus back. But fate has it that the direction idiot (yours truly) took him the wrong way and we walked miles before we reached Tebing Lane. It's a chill out place for people who have just exercised at the park.

Then we walked to Punggol Park via the park connector.

As usual, he couldn't resist the opportunity to exercise at the exercise corner. He couldn't possibly let it slip past us.

Photogrid of what Good Friday 2015 brought us.

And that night, maggots were removed from the opening by Dr Siew. Ah Chui was bandaged up.;) 

The feeder told us that after Ah Chui recovers, we can put him back to the cemetery since he has been taken care of by the feeder. However, during his few weeks of recuperating in the shelter, this friendly and positive personality has warmed the hearts of volunteers there. He's now renamed Charlie and we are ready to have him in the shelter until he gets adopted!;)

Sometimes it's dogs like Charlie that reminds me to hang in there.

And some dogs are really super cute, like Sage here. It makes all you are doing for them worthwhile.

Parkland Residents

A 3-day course on ontological coaching last week has begun to work its influence on me, slowly but surely. It's like sorcery I can't believe it; the beauty of it lies in its ability to change you even when you weren't able to fully comprehend the topic. Hey, in my defense, some form of art is just too abstract for me, like for most people I guess.

I promised to do the course with an open mind but just can't help feeling sceptical about it. You ask me to learn something that isn't structured and relies mostly on intuition? Eh WHATTT?

Well, ontology is a field of study largely associated with philosophy. Yes, boss asked us to go for it, in the hope that we learn how to manage people and align their behaviors towards the organizational goals. Ehhh.. In the end, it taught us self-discovery, which means that we benefitted from the course on a personal level instead. Guess before we can try to change someone's behavior and habits, we have to change ours first. Makes sense? Change starts from within. 

If I'm not wrong, it uses the technique of empathy. You really got to listen very hard before you try to understand others' plight. You need to put yourself in another's shoes.

In relationships, there's a lot of listening and situational awareness to be done. Now being aware, I wonder how many times I unintentionally neglected Simba's suggestions for me to lead a better life. Lol.

"In you, I see a lot of healing to be done. The feelings of fear and enthusiasm are actually the same - the tightened chest, the pounding heart, the weakened calves - it's the story behind that's different."

Eh? Me? 

The coach seemed to see through my thoughts and emotions after 3 days. Omg I feel so vulnerable. 

I always see myself as someone who has this burning desire to relentlessly pursue happiness. I didn't know why until maybe after what the coach said to me. Perhaps, there's this sad soul that's dwelling in me all along.

After some activities we did... Pne of the coach's assistant told me this:

"Your knee problem seems to have affected a lot of you. You let your knee determine that you have been weak... It seems to have affected a lot of your self-esteem."

"From what I have heard from you, others around you have been accepting towards you - your husband, your parents... But my question to you is, have you been accepting others into your life?"

"Perhaps there's this confidence in you that you refused to let out."

Oh wow. Scaryyy isn't it. People can read you within days. And the amazing thing is, you have been so buried in your own thoughts and stuck in your own perceptions that you didn't even realize that you are living your misery out loud. One day, some random person tells you that you have been living your life wrong and your perception of the world is twisted. 

Yes, sadly, there is no more room for accepting anyone else in my life. I don't know when I stop doing that. I didn't hold any expectations on people in general anymore. That's why there's no suffering, if people let me down. Perhaps some bad experience with people in primary school has caused the damage and it has stayed on in my memory for years and entirely destroyed my hope in people. It will continue to blossom in me until I come to terms with myself (according to the coach). Maybe that's why I don't hesitate to lose some friends along the way in life when their thinking is really too far off from mine. You know, he said what shaped you to be who you are today is what your childhood has done to you. Yes I guess so.

It was weird that one of Simba's suggestions suddenly resonated in my head. He had said several times to buy a pair of new working shoes as my current pair (which cost me more than usual) was going to spoil, but I wasn't really listening each time he said it. I was so fixed in my head that the current pair was the most suitable and comfortable for my walking and I won't replace it unless it spoils. I threw away the pair and put on a new pair, and the feeling was great! My past shoes which have contorted out of shape have been the cause of my limp,and I just couldn't register this in my head. 

Haha. I guess being aware of self now, I'll see life differently.

The day we collected our keys for...

A place we can call home.

His parents came along, and brought some pineapple to roll across the living room and rice to sprinkle around the edges of the house. 

Aunt was there too, since Cousin and Aunt, my future neighbor, were getting their keys on the same day as us.;)

The empty living that leads to the balcony

Bedroom 1

View from bedroom

Our wardrobe that was described as "awkward" and "ugly" by our interior designer. Haha.

Fervent followers of the Chinese tradition. Oh well, I'm not exactly someone who believes in this kind of thing, but as Chinese, it's this instinctive nature in us to be superstitious.

Kitchen where most works are already done.

Stove which I might never get the chance to use. Haha.

The meticulous Simba marked down where each defect was at, no matter how small it was.  

My colleague, Lynn, took selfies with her hubby at every corner of the house, when they first got their keys. Iris told me to copycat her. Lol. Only managed to do it in one room when his parents weren't looking though. :D

A random photo of Simba at "Macau"! A newly opened restaurant at Nex, a place that sells pork burgers.

爸爸，您突然的离去...

爸爸，您突然的离去，使我们感慨万分。
离开是不免的，但我们还是对您的离去依依不舍。

In The Big Ideas of Lee Kuan Yew, Peter Ho recalls the words of Lee Kuan Yew that have been etched in his memory, "Reasonable men adapt, unreasonable men change the world."

He was the unreasonable man who was dissatisfied with things and went on to change them. His unreasonableness has transformed Singapore into what it is today. 

To the great man who saw the prosperous Singapore years ahead of time, and has believed and persevered for the people of Singapore: 

Rest well, Sir. You will be deeply missed.